What Hurts The Most
by ask-the-doctor-about-herpexia
Summary: This is a songfic I had to write the instant it came to mind. It's basicly Miroku remembering Sango after the group split up.


A/N: YAY! A NEW FICCY! So, this one's a depressing songfic. Although I'm a total fluff reader, I thought I'd try my hand at tragedy. So, I was listening to this song and I couldn't help but start forming the story in ma' head. So, here we go. For your sake and mine, I hope it doesn't suck. If it does, give me suggestions because this is one of those fics you make up in twenty minutes because of inspiration. By the way, the lyrics are in _Italics_.

Disclaimer thingy: I don't own the Inuyasha characters. Those are Rumiko Takahashi's. Nor do I own the song What Hurts the Most, Rascal Flatts does.

He lied down on his futon, staring at the ceiling and reminiscing about his life before Naraku died, before his life slipped through the fists he made trying to hold on to what he cared about most. Besides the rain tapping gently on the roof, the hut had an eerie silence to it.

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house _

_that don't bother me_

He remembered Sango, her spirit, and how much she changed his life. How he missed her. There was barely a second of the day where he didn't curse himself for being so cowardly and not admitting his immense feelings towards her. His life since the group had slit up had been lonely and melancholy. Tears started to form in his eyes as he thought back to when they promised each other that they would be together, and how he was to sure that she would be the one he would spend the rest of his life with.

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out _

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while _

_even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
_

He would pretend to be okay, to not be shattered and broken on the inside. But it was no use. No one could tell that anything was wrong, he just went about his normal business every day and saved those feelings for when no one could see him. Everybody would wonder what he was thinking of when a couple would pass by and he'd get a dejected stare in his eyes.

_There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok _

_but that's not what gets me_

How did this happen? How could he let her slowly fade away till' she was out of his reach? Telling her how he felt and knowing those feelings weren't reciprocated would have crushed him, but it would have been better than this. Why couldn't he take her into his arms and told her he loved her more than any woman he had ever flirted with and none would ever top her? Not that he had even thought of any other woman besides Sango since they parted.

_What hurts the most __was being so close _

_and having so much to say _

_and watching you walk away _

_and never knowing __what could have been _

_and not seeing that loving you  
_

_Is what I was tryin' to do_

It was agony, living every day knowing that he made the worst mistake of his life. Knowing that if he had done everything different, he could have been lying down with his Sango, talking and laughing than alone and sobbing.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go _

_but I'm doin' it_

Every so often, Inuyasha and Kagome would stop by and visit with him. He saw how happy they were together and he wondered, 'If they could tell each other, why couldn't we?' He would slap on a fake mask and pretend that he was fine. He knew that at least Kagome could see through his charades. It was by the sadness she got in her eyes whenever they talked about Sango. He never knew what happened to her.

_It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone _

_still harder  
_

Yet somehow he kept going, he kept living. He didn't know how he did it, because it barely felt like living at all. He wished he could just erase the last few days they were together and rewrite them. He would tell her that he wanted to be with her for the rest of his days and he would kiss her with the passion he felt for her. But he couldn't do that anymore.

_Getting up, __getting dressed, _

_livin' with __this regret _

_but I know if I could do it over_

_I would trade __give away __all the words __that I saved __in my heart _

_that I left unspoken_

But his chance was gone. He would never be with Sango and he knew that. He tried to tell her his feelings towards her many times, but it always came out wrong. He whispered his love for her as he fell asleep thinking that for the rest of his life, he would remember her as the woman he could have shared his life with.

_Not seeing that loving you _

_that's what I was trying to do_

ZE END

It'll be a while till' I write something like THAT again. I'm a fluffy person. I normally write cliché junk about the girl and her Prince Charming riding off into the sunset on a white stallion :Nervously looks around room and writes a note to self about next fanfic: Okay, seriously, that took about half an hour. I should have my beta read it.

O.O.93

P.S. A/N: YOU BE ILLIN'!


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